But he would rather break up than try to understand what makes me happy and make an effort. Then came the coronavirus and the lockdown and he was forced to stop school. I feel like the future that I saw with him will not be possible anymore. Its not just a lack of attention. He makes comments like some of us work for a living which is one of his huge baggage in life- the fact that hes a greedy mother $#_&@ and chose to be a workaholic and have no life even in his 20s so he expects everyone else to do the same. Its just hard because he watches my son while Im at work and my sons dad is working out of town for a month on and a week off. Clearly I am not a priority and I deserve better so I think it is time to move on. good luck to you. 1. He Is Nervous. He dismisses your emotions. Hi Beyza! This yr even I got nothing from his side. He never comes to see me, I always have to go to him. I dont know if I am being unreasonable. Because I love him, i did. I feel like Im the only one putting any effort for us to spend time together. He used to do all these romantic things for me before we went long distance. But Im not certain its not because he now wants to hurry to get the house finished and sell it while the market is hot. Wow girl as Im reading this I cant believe I didnt write it lol. Not material things, but being romantic on special occasions. She told him to break up with me so he emailed me and said we needed to take a break until the situation gets better. Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out. He dresses professionally. Im not sure how to approach any of this with him. I bought so much things to do for his birthday . We just dont talk the same way that we used to. This yr it was Quarantine and so he always wanted to have his own anime character and I made it after puting so much efforts. A little reminder that you're an equal part of the relationship and have needs, too, could help redirect their focus. so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. I really love him and care for him. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. He sounds willing to work on your relationship, be thankful for that. Again Im the only one putting in effort. Theres little to no effort. I begun to be desperated just to win him back but hes tough enough to avoid me and forget everything we had. This is NOT the man I fell in love with that I move in with 5.5 years ago. Texts are still slow. We met and it was pretty much an instant connection. I dont think it is good to waste peoples time. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. Then it was our anniversary two days later.he forgot. Ive been dating my boyfriend for four years. It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. He had had so much time to think about and plan for any of the above and a week before our anniversary had started lamenting how the holidays are too close together and it is hard to think of any good gifts, so he did nothing. and he even told me that her wife cheated on him. He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. He gets very quiet and is hard to talk to. Hes always been so affectionate towards me, always wanted us to be happy so we got together. We are now in quarantine and I have mostly been the one to come see him. But I cant help but fear the same thing would happen again anytime soon.Im also an overthinker and I feel like hes losing interest cause hes been recently behaving like this frequently. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. When leaving to go home, 98% of time, he kisses me passionately and holds me tight. It can make you feel insecure like theres something wrong with you. I was so happy I found him. ? Doing this you will find out more about yourself. When I started dating him I was very strong in my religion. he is a loyal person i know that but hes too self centered and he makes me feel like im not important. Then he will call and say he thinks he will just wait until Sunday morning to come down, Sunday morning he says maybe that afternoon. My birthday weekend was really rough. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. I dont know how to stop nagging him and always expecting things but Im so insecure at this point about where we stand and his feelings its like I just need validation. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). The first two years of the relationship he was wonderful. He stopped initiating sex and one day i found saved Google image searches under very specific terms saved on his phone and realized why i wasnt getting laid anymore. I tried talking to him and he said I was being to needy. Okay it became a longer answer than I expected! It sounds to me like hes not into you. He Wants You To Approach Him First. Nor was him working full time and on his masters degree for 18 months. But theres one time where I got really mad and told him what i feel about everything and he said he was sorry and he tell me how much he loves me. He ignores you. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. Thank You for sharing your story. I tried to tell him how rude that was and he didnt understand where I was coming from and proceeded to tell me I was making a big deal about it. Also, and Im not materialistic by any means, hes offered to buy me lots of things or even just give me money to help with bills. I love him and i plan on marrying him but i dont know how to fix the lack of effort without fighting like we always do when i ask him to put in more effort. We started with skyping during weekends, to calling sometimes to texting only and recently weve stopped texting as often. I wasnt allowed to talk to my bf but i did anyways like every night but i couldnt talk on zoom or ppl would hear me. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. You deserve so much more. You are worth it. No present. He begged and begged for me to forgive him, that it was mistake. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. to think I was already 32 years old still got fooled by a man. Hes just happy having me in his life because Im supportive and loving but I dont see much effort on his side except when he really wants to do things he really likes. Antidepressents can be a good way to start on the road back to normal just to give you some emotional stability. I love him however because of his lack of effort Im almost ready to walk away for good. Hes never been married no kids etc. Heres my concern-We live 70kms apart amd stick to phone calls and texts and online communication. and he would say yeah we should, and then nothing. He has motivation and spends money on doing that but what about me lol, he puts no effort into our relationship. Thats Progress! And thats what messes with me a lotwhy doesnt he want to do the same for me. I was 15 when we got together and he is like my best friend I love him very much the problem is, I just feel like I do everything I can to make him feel comfortable and cared for and he does very little at all. He got a job and now works from right after school until 8:30, six days a week. That it was fine even though I was angry but I didnt show him the anger. Yet around the holidays, he has completely dropped off the radar and is barely giving me more than a one word text response back. Covid has not helped at all. You cant let him be the center of your life! You only care about yourself, youre lazy out of anger.. which it catches up to me and makes me awful because I know his lack of energy plays a large part of it but how am I supposed to feel or do.. to make it even better he recently told me after a large fight about laundry or something I barely remember, that hes decided to go for traveling nursing in California this spring because he will make more Money (something he is very stressed out about) and I dont know what to do because thats not part of our plan. It feels awful when you feel like you care about him more than he does about you. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. We are in LDR. He wont make an effort to see me. We only see each other every one or two weeks at the most. Men have convinced themselves that their behavior, or lack thereof,is an acceptable form of the love they claim to feel for a woman because we as women gave them the power to choose to face themselves like women do OR be a coward and avoid the part of themselves that isnt always pretty and shovel it into the mind and soul of a women who is willing to suck and swallow upon his command. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. I told him about how I felt scared I looked too nerdy in my full protection hear and helmet and everyone else wasnt wearing any. he said hell give me more time but nothing ever changes. and even whn im thr at his place, he would play his game until its time to sleep and then repeat the same thing everyday. I had to get off and go hang with my friends and so I was trying to say bye but what really came out was I have to go..I love you..bye I dint hang up yet because I realized I said the L word lol and he was like shocked and I got scared. Last week he finally invited me over to his house after not seeing him for almost two weeks when he had his daughter. 6 Ways to Revive Your Relationship. We then will start to accept crumbs and feel sick inside. He came up with a lot of excuses such as traffic is bad, I have homework (hes a grad school), oh and the one that always gets on my nerve Im tired. Feel insecure like theres something wrong with you nor was him working time... Last week he finally invited me over to his house ) % time. And forget everything we had been the one to come see him home, 98 % of time, puts... Made the time to move on became a longer answer than I expected he gets sensitive but would. However because of his lack of effort Im almost ready to walk away for good 8:30, six a... Because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it of him not making a plan his. To understand what makes me feel like Im not important to him and he makes me like. 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